Witches Brew

Montage
301 SE Morrison St.
Portland, OR 97214
503.234.1324

Erin: Erik and I have come to the conclusion that not many people probably read our silly little food blog. Which is quite funny to me because when we came up with the idea to start this blog we both said a lot of really sincere things about becoming famous, making a lot of money and seeing the world. Oh, and there was something about the travel channel paying us even more money? I forget why. Not the point. The point is we do it because we love it. That being said I dedicate this post to my single most faithful reader and fan- Erik Gates.
The Montage.
The Montage is a small hole under the Morrison bridge. The waiters are odd, the decor is crazy and every so often you hear a shrill maniacal scream (or is it a laugh?) coming from the kitchen. More often than not the hostess seats you at a table with strangers just for fun and the handwritten menu offers gumbo and alligator. A large painting of the last supper looms over the dining room much like your handle-bar-mustached waiter looms over your table while he takes your order. There is nothing normal about this place, and yet in Portland I believe it is just that. Normal. Portland Normal. Which to the rest of the world just translates as weird.
Guess what? I ordered what I "normally" order. Mac and cheese with tomato basil pesto sauce. I wanted to try something new but I can't get over how satisfying and delicious the mac and cheese is! Good thing they sit you so close to everyone else around you other wise I wouldn't have been able to try all of the other foods this place offers. Not that it matters- my fork (along with my bad manners) can find it's way across the dining room to try a strangers andouille and back to my mouth easily!
The gumbo is good. The gumbo is great. The gumbo and I are going on a date. I just made that poem up.
And when the meal is over the waiter wraps your left overs up into a tinfoil animal or sword or robot. Terribly beautiful works of art. Erik doesn't like it when I leave a tiny amount of food on my plate just so I can get a prize. He thinks it's poor form. So I look longingly at other people's tinfoil squirrels and soldiers and swans and wish I didn't love my Mac and Cheese till it was gone. If I worked there I would make everyone's leftovers into characters from Lost. A Ben Linus bust full of shrimp jumbalaya? YES!
And because this post is for Erik I thought I would include a picture of him enjoying his catfish salad. Erik hates it so much when I take pictures at restaurants. He gets really embarrassed and asks if he can go to the bathroom till I'm done. I am forbidden to take pictures of the waiters while they are taking our order, and I have to use the flash as little as possible. HA! Erik, how much would you like all of the attention of the travel channel following you around with lights and cameras? Good thing it's just you and me? Erik und Erin? Right?


Erik:It's true that I get a little antsy when Erin starts taking pictures. It's just a little weird you know, like a bunch of flashes in a dark restaurant. Not only that but her camera has hundred million flash spasm syndrome, so you get tons of flashing for just one picture. I have never "forbidden" anyone to take pictures of the waiter, but I myself have been "forbidden" from leaving the table while pictures are being taken. However, I'm getting less and less anxious about it as we do it more. At the Montage I just pretended like it was my birthday. Birthday picture, smile. Ooooh birthday food, got to remember this! Appropriate. Anyways, I suppose I'd better get comfortable with cameras before I can take my dream job from Anthony Bourdain.

So the Montage. This is another one of those Portland places that much has been said about. I would like to talk about some things I hear a lot, which is that the waiters are rude and the service is bad. Here's the thing: if the waiters are rude to you, you're probably just being a whiny demanding baby. And I like this about the Montage. They don't go by the motto "the customer is always right." Because you know what? The customer isn't always right. Sometimes the customer is a spoiled brat who likes to treat people badly. If you are this type of customer, don't go to the Montage, because you might get cursed at from the kitchen. As long as you don't mind mildly quirky service, and if you're open and friendly with your waiter or waitress, you're not going to have a problem.

Having addressed that, the food is great. Every mac and cheese dish is worth trying, my favorite being the spold mac, which is a mildly spicy version of their classic. They'll give you a slice of jalapeno on top of this one, so don't go mistaking it for a slice of mild bell pepper. I've been there. Because we were going to write up this review, I decided to try something I've never had before: the catfish salad. It was decent, good for the price, but I could have used a bit more kick in both the dressing and on the fish. If you're feeling realy hungry, get the bobo, which is sort of a dinner version of biscuits and gravy. It's insanely rich and delicious, but you might want to reserve it for a day when you can take a nap after eating it.

The Montage is it's own unique place. It's loud, usually crowded, delicious, and in countless ways odd. But as long as you can handle an unorthodox dining atmosphere, go there for an unusual and unequaled experience.