Location

23 Hoyt
529 NW 23 and Hoyt
Portland, Oregon 97210
503.445.7400

Erin: If I were to compare this restaurant to an old boyfriend it would have to be Andrew. Andrew was great. He was beautiful, gave me a plant for my birthday and he silently counted all the sports he played on his fingers while no one was looking. I loved him (kind of). One night he told me he didn't want to see me anymore. It broke my heart. I cried. I tried to change his mind. I think I begged? Then I feigned ill. I fell over and told him I was dizzy and didn't feel well. He left. Then I ate a bunch of ice cream and started dating his friend Erik.
Much like Andrew- 23 Hoyt gave much and took little in return. The happy hour we partook of was inexpensive and filling. 23 Hoyt was beautifully decorated and meticulously located (I mean imagine if 23 Hoyt was located on 11th and Couch). The food was great. All the waitresses were attentive and the water glasses were never empty. My 23Hoyt Burger was delicious and the onion rings were awesome. As I felt our time was nearing an end I ordered squash raviolis just to push back the inevitable. The brown butter and sage sauce that I'm usually crazy about was good but not great. That's when I knew our time had run it's course. When we finally left I did feel dizzy and my stomach definitely hurt. Probably from all of the fried food. I will, however, always look back on those tempura mushrooms with fondness. Those were the good times. Mmmm. Yum. Ponzu sauce.
Lucky for me Moonstruck Chocolate Cafe was located just across the street. I was able to move on like every other warm blooded woman in this world- with chocolate. Maybe 23 Hoyt has a best friend....

Acadia Amazing

Acadia A New Orleans Bistro
1303 NE Fremont Street
Portland, OR
503.249.5001


Erin: First of all I have been out of town for a spell and I have been living on Wendy's french fries and chocolate Oreo frosties. When Erik and I started this blog we vowed to save our pennies when not eating out in Portland by eating crap fast food and ramen noodles. Poor idea. However, that is not to undermine the complements which I am about to abundantly bestow upon Acadia (a new orleans bistro) but to punctuate the beauty of this meal when compared to fast food for a week.
Having been a vegetarian for several years and just starting to eat meat in small amounts I tend to quickly look over a menu and pick out all of the vegetarian dishes first. If none of them sound good I usually go for something extreme like steak or beef. I know, I don't get it either? Anyway, the only vegetarian dish on this menu happened to be goat cheese gnocchi in brown butter with sage, butternut squash, pecans, pears and wilted arugula. YUM!! I didn't need to look at any of my other options. I could hardly order it fast enough. It was even better than I could have expected. So many great flavors all in one dish! I also happen to know that everyone at the table (5 in all) was exceedingly pleased with their dishes. Not one of us left the table without wiping our plate clean with the bread the waitress never ceased to bring by our table.
I also have to commend Acadia for serving the perfect portions. I was completely full and satisfied but not too full. I had room for the best part of the night, DESSERT! I ordered old fashioned buttermilk chocolate cake. And I ate it all! Not one person wanted a bite. I think it was all that talk about swine flu and germs that kept people honest. Not me- I ate off everyone's plate with no regard for my personal health all night long. Just like usual!


Erik: On Mondays at Acadia you can get a three course meal for 17 bucks. On Mondays I order the three course meal and everyone else is left in the dust. I ate a salad and some bread pudding AND an entrée, not in that particular order. Some people might say that they don't want to pay for greens. Well, I say to them: you can't get greens for free dummy. The salad was simple and fresh. I ate the salad first. Then came my entrée which was blackened catfish over mashed potatoes, tomatoes, and okra, all in a hollandaise sauce. The portion was medium/small, but wow did it fill me up. It was really good, I daresay as far as southern bistro food a lot better than the Montage. For me, a sign of a really well put together dish is if it has tomatoes in it and I like the tomatoes. This might not mean to you what it means to me but "I liked the tomatoes." They were small and cherry, and they popped! Love when that happens. The bread pudding was super-excellent and didn't have any raisins in it. Keep raisins away from me. There were five of us at this event and I got stressed out about splitting up the check. The waitress was so great about it, and I was relieved. I'm still stressed about the squealing noise my car is making though. Go to Acadia and eat.

Sushi!

Zilla Sake
1806 NE Alberta St.
Portland, OR 97211
503.288.8372

Erik: Sometimes I have a realy hard time making decisions. I'm especially bad at thinking of places to go eat when I'm put on the spot. I'll have a mental list of like 10 different restaurants I want to try and then when Erin asks me where we should go they all fly out my head. This was the situation last night, so I started browsing online to see if anything popped out. Nothing did, but looking at googlemaps reminded me that I live 7 blocks South of Alberta Street. Of course! There are so many restaurants up there, and I always forget how close I am.

The decision was made to just wander the street until something looked good. Zilla Sake looked good, and we weren't disappointed. It's a smallish place, and we were seated near the back in a tall booth. Perfect for taking pictures! No one could see us! Service was quick and friendly. Our miso and edamame came quickly. Zilla puts a little twist on both of these standbys, by throwing some sesame seeds in the miso and including ginger as well as the standard sea salt on the edamame. Both were excellent. The artfully displayed sushi came out soon after that. It wasn't mind blowing, but it was definitely satisfying and above average for moderately priced sushi. The veggie roll, which included asparagus, was especially good. I'm definitely no sushi snob, but I can tell you that this place is much better than most other sushi places I've been to, at only a slightly higher price range. Sake has never been my thing, but if you're into it there's a novella sized Sake menu to choose from.



Erin: I am short on words tonight. Two things.
First thing- At one point during our dinner Erik looked at me and said, "Is the food really this good or is just me?" It was not him. The food was really good. Someone in the kitchen was paying particularly close attention to flavor. I love when restaurants put a new twist on an old dish.
Second thing- Our waiter had really long armpit hair. She was cute, I wanted to give her a nickname.
To sum it all up- if you are looking for a great sushi place give this place a try.

Witches Brew

Montage
301 SE Morrison St.
Portland, OR 97214
503.234.1324

Erin: Erik and I have come to the conclusion that not many people probably read our silly little food blog. Which is quite funny to me because when we came up with the idea to start this blog we both said a lot of really sincere things about becoming famous, making a lot of money and seeing the world. Oh, and there was something about the travel channel paying us even more money? I forget why. Not the point. The point is we do it because we love it. That being said I dedicate this post to my single most faithful reader and fan- Erik Gates.
The Montage.
The Montage is a small hole under the Morrison bridge. The waiters are odd, the decor is crazy and every so often you hear a shrill maniacal scream (or is it a laugh?) coming from the kitchen. More often than not the hostess seats you at a table with strangers just for fun and the handwritten menu offers gumbo and alligator. A large painting of the last supper looms over the dining room much like your handle-bar-mustached waiter looms over your table while he takes your order. There is nothing normal about this place, and yet in Portland I believe it is just that. Normal. Portland Normal. Which to the rest of the world just translates as weird.
Guess what? I ordered what I "normally" order. Mac and cheese with tomato basil pesto sauce. I wanted to try something new but I can't get over how satisfying and delicious the mac and cheese is! Good thing they sit you so close to everyone else around you other wise I wouldn't have been able to try all of the other foods this place offers. Not that it matters- my fork (along with my bad manners) can find it's way across the dining room to try a strangers andouille and back to my mouth easily!
The gumbo is good. The gumbo is great. The gumbo and I are going on a date. I just made that poem up.
And when the meal is over the waiter wraps your left overs up into a tinfoil animal or sword or robot. Terribly beautiful works of art. Erik doesn't like it when I leave a tiny amount of food on my plate just so I can get a prize. He thinks it's poor form. So I look longingly at other people's tinfoil squirrels and soldiers and swans and wish I didn't love my Mac and Cheese till it was gone. If I worked there I would make everyone's leftovers into characters from Lost. A Ben Linus bust full of shrimp jumbalaya? YES!
And because this post is for Erik I thought I would include a picture of him enjoying his catfish salad. Erik hates it so much when I take pictures at restaurants. He gets really embarrassed and asks if he can go to the bathroom till I'm done. I am forbidden to take pictures of the waiters while they are taking our order, and I have to use the flash as little as possible. HA! Erik, how much would you like all of the attention of the travel channel following you around with lights and cameras? Good thing it's just you and me? Erik und Erin? Right?


Erik:It's true that I get a little antsy when Erin starts taking pictures. It's just a little weird you know, like a bunch of flashes in a dark restaurant. Not only that but her camera has hundred million flash spasm syndrome, so you get tons of flashing for just one picture. I have never "forbidden" anyone to take pictures of the waiter, but I myself have been "forbidden" from leaving the table while pictures are being taken. However, I'm getting less and less anxious about it as we do it more. At the Montage I just pretended like it was my birthday. Birthday picture, smile. Ooooh birthday food, got to remember this! Appropriate. Anyways, I suppose I'd better get comfortable with cameras before I can take my dream job from Anthony Bourdain.

So the Montage. This is another one of those Portland places that much has been said about. I would like to talk about some things I hear a lot, which is that the waiters are rude and the service is bad. Here's the thing: if the waiters are rude to you, you're probably just being a whiny demanding baby. And I like this about the Montage. They don't go by the motto "the customer is always right." Because you know what? The customer isn't always right. Sometimes the customer is a spoiled brat who likes to treat people badly. If you are this type of customer, don't go to the Montage, because you might get cursed at from the kitchen. As long as you don't mind mildly quirky service, and if you're open and friendly with your waiter or waitress, you're not going to have a problem.

Having addressed that, the food is great. Every mac and cheese dish is worth trying, my favorite being the spold mac, which is a mildly spicy version of their classic. They'll give you a slice of jalapeno on top of this one, so don't go mistaking it for a slice of mild bell pepper. I've been there. Because we were going to write up this review, I decided to try something I've never had before: the catfish salad. It was decent, good for the price, but I could have used a bit more kick in both the dressing and on the fish. If you're feeling realy hungry, get the bobo, which is sort of a dinner version of biscuits and gravy. It's insanely rich and delicious, but you might want to reserve it for a day when you can take a nap after eating it.

The Montage is it's own unique place. It's loud, usually crowded, delicious, and in countless ways odd. But as long as you can handle an unorthodox dining atmosphere, go there for an unusual and unequaled experience.

Life Saver

Nicholas Restaurant
318 SE Grand Ave
Portland, OR 97214
503.235.5123

Erin: Last week was ruff. Between Erik's new job and my new internship we have been quite busy. I also happened to have a run in with the law last week and was ordered to attend a safety belt class with trauma nurses talking tough. They talked tough alright. The class made me cry. And because no one wants to be miserable alone I told Erik all about it over our all time favorite meal of falafel and tabouli. After I described in detail several car crashes and drunk driving accidents Erik politely asked me to stop. If we hadn't been at our favorite restaurant, eating our favorite food I think we would have both cried. Nicholas Restaurant has been our favorite for years. We return despite the inconsistent service and sometimes long waits because the food is just that good. So good it makes sitting through hours of gory car wrecks almost seem O.K. (even when it totally is NOT). If you drive in your car to visit this fine establishment please wear your seat belt!

Erik: Falafel. Straight up falafel. This is how it goes down at Nicholas' restaurant. It's funny because the name on the sign says "Nicholas's," which of course is grammatically incorrect. But no matter. You can just say, "Let's go to that tiny Lebanese place." You can't go wrong with the falafel sandwich, the Lebanese pizza, or the Mezza platter. Also, I made Erin order because I'm uncomfortable with the pronunciation of the word "Mezza," much in the same way that I'm uncomfortable with the pronunciation of the word "Gyro," which is ironic as these are two of my favorite things to eat. The Mezza platter comes with all that's pictured above, as well as a side dish that is chickpeas, spices, and about five pounds of garlic. So good, but you'll have garlic seeping from your pores. In addition, you'll get a steaming piece of pita bread that takes up literally 2/3 of the table. One of the great things about this place is that even when I eat so so much, I always feel healthy and satisfied rather than going into a heart-stopping food coma.

Nicholas' is a little hole in the wall, so be prepared to sit very close to your fellow diners, and if you go on a Friday or Saturday night you'll definitely have to wait. It's worth it though. When you get done eating, and if it's early enough in the day, you can stop by Andy and Bax, a military surplus store on the same block. I love the store; you can buy anything from sky diving goggles to navy pea coats to Mexican wrestling masks.

Continued

50 Plates
333 NW 13th Ave.
Portland, OR 97209
503.228.5050

More photos from 50 Plates

Quantitative

50 Plates
333 NW 13th Ave.
Portland, OR 97209
503.228.5050

Erin- At 50 plates the menu, being a proud and a confident menu, strikes up a conversation with just about any patron that walks in the door. The conversation is pretty much always the same but never gets old. It goes a little something like this-

Menu- Hey!... Hey you! Yes, you... Yeah, I'm a menu and I talk, what of it? Look, I got these great Silver Dollar Sammies up in the corner here, you should really try one. You'll like it.
Patron- Silver Dollar Sammies you say? Hmmm. What is that exactly?
Menu- Oh, just the best baby hamburgers you'll ever eat. No big deal (the menu can be sarcastic sometimes).
Patron- Baby hamburgers? Um, it looks like this one is chicken dunked in maple syrup and served on a waffle? Am I reading this right?
Menu- Listen honey, I ain't got all day. There are other people that would jump at the chance to order that Roscoe Slider. Trust me, order any of them and you'll go home pleased as punch.

From what I've noticed patrons tend to throw little hissy fits just upon seeing the sliders brought to their table. Not to mention what they do once they've tried one. The menu is justly confident. I personally found the weird little chicken, waffle, syrup creation quite charming and after tasting it I asked my waiter to send my menu friend back around. I definitely wanted more.

Erik- I've got an issue with 50 plates, and that issue is that I COULD EAT 27 SLIDERS AND STILL WANT MORE. Unfortunately, at four bucks a pop, that's not going to happen. This restaurant is in the "bourgeoisie" price range, or at least the "semi-snoot" price range. Whatever. Everything that I ate there was real real tasty, I'm telling you. Imagine the usual burger contraptions: cheeseburger, portabello burger, hawaiian burger, etc. Now shrink 'em, and as they shrink the tastiness condenses to a more concentrated state. They may or may not have a "Honey I Shrunk the Kids" machine in their kitchen, but that's pretty much how it works.

Other things that happened to me, and may happen to you:
-The light at the table where we sat was extremely skewed to my side, so much so that I felt I was on stage for the whole restaurant to see, and as a result I had to mind my manners.
-I pick up the water (bottle on the table) to give my glass a refill just as the waiter comes over to do the same. Awkwardness ensues.
-Erin and I, at 24, were far below the clientele's median age.
-After the meal the waiter brings over two spoonfuls of chocolate. They were on the house. I'm not sure if this happens to everyone or he just thought we were special, but I'm going to go ahead and assume it was because we are special.


One last tip. If you go to a great restaurant like 50 Plates, but the menu items are on the smaller and more expensive side, and you find yourself still hungry, JUST GO TO WENDY'S AFTERWARDS AND BUY YOURSELF A FROSTY, SIZE LARGE.